I monitor certain blogs every week and find myself frustrated when updates don’t match my desire to read. Of course, here I am also not maintaining this project I began back in May. At times I think I set an unrealistic goal for myself as I sought to write substantive posts, and those thoughts either don’t come quickly or aren’t given enough time to mature. Add a dash of laziness, life with a 2 1/2 year old, and there you have a month between posts.
My latest motherhood awareness is pregnancy myopia. I am closing in on the third trimester with our baby girl, and my focus becomes more narrow each week. I am thankful to have time off from any work and leadership responsibilities right now. While I particularly ache to preach, it’s also fantastic to be home; it’s restorative, actually. I am cooking more and spending less. I am present to my son in new ways each day. I am making space, both literally and emotionally, in our home for new life and new love.
At times I have felt isolated. I am an extrovert and often have many unused words leftover at the end of my days. A friend teasingly reminded me of my eagle nature post below, and there is certainly something to be said of simplifying even to the point of fewer words being expended. But there are other days when those words need to come out, and I am thankful for a regular Thursday morning date with women in ministry friends who provide that space in my week. Still, there is much to learn from speaking less and continued awareness for my desire to be heard.
A dear friend’s mentor once said (echoing Walt Whitman, I believe…remind me of the poem, if you know) that we must soak up the blue skies of October if we are to make it through the grey of winter. I have tried to remember that on beautiful autumn days. These last 14 weeks or so are something like blue October days for our little family. I am soaking up our time together, soaking up the familiar and the known, paying attention to the beauty in small moments, and preparing for the inevitable adjustment that is to come.
It’s a simple, still process in which I find myself these days. Around us the economy has imploded, we ache for presidential change to come next week, one of the great loves of my life is back in a combat zone…but here in our little house, we are expanding the nest and preparing for what the winter months will bring.